| | been feeling really troubled. how do i get past this?
at many times, i just miss. with no regrets of a surface. every lines meets with lightness of ink. our instincts are misleading, they don't tell you to walk. you just know you should walk. you should not think what you are feeling. the implications of complications is death defying.
there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade, now it's gone and its like it wasn't there at all and here i rest in disappointment and regret collide, lying awake at night. all night.
i wonder if death cab for cutie experienced what i did. manifestations of feelings are boiling within. some people just do not care, actually they do, but they choose not to. it shows very clearly. there's always an excuse of not having time nor the money for others and there is always money and time for one's self. how do you make someone feel special or at the very least loved? don't you miss the times when you first fall for someone? your heart jumps a beat, butterflies in your stomach, the need to always please or try to please, the excitement and the joy of wanting to love and spoil him/her when he/she is yours? all yours to love, care and spoil. where has that all gone? arguments, complacency, money, time are all just excuses we make up to get away with things. in fact, all we do is take things for granted, like the person we love will be there for you today, tomorrow and in the future. why make excuses? i read somewhere and having insights from both male and female friends, you can be practical and realistic but everybody loves to be surprised and spoilt in some ways or another. its the little special things that counts, especially if it is what one really loves. well, for all my footprint readers since 2005, you'd already know i love white roses and ladybirds (yes, am still with my ladybirds), and my music taste 'can' be a bit odd to many. you can't hide the innocent, nice things you love.
have you ever doubted yourself? that you need to blend in with what society expects of you to be? i often doubt myself, why be nice when bad ones always wins. its a struggle.
you need to respect for one's feelings, one's self worth, treat them with good intentions and kindness. someone once told me years back "the ends justify the means and freaking apply that when you are in a relationship!" (unquote). he was so right. and i did for 5 years then on and it didn't work out. and life moves on. i don't look back because it's all about looking forward. but i did reflect back, and realized, fuck. my friend was so right. then he left for the U.S. it did me good, it did the relationship good. it did my life good. it did my friends good. it did my work good. it did my family good. and then you go on thinking by turning the pages in the book of frances teresa angus, the life of me, my own life.... that there were hardly any regrets but a lot of anguish which i had no control off. it seemed to all have started in 1996, then 1997.. then now. i now know why.
i just miss the feeling of love.
and ... i miss your warmth, your touch, your attention, your care, the little sweet things you used to do. i just miss it. (sorry, this is a personal message.) i just had to write it out. i had to let it out. there is only so much i can crave anymore.
i will leave all you footieprints with this from DCFC.
Love of mine
Someday you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
'cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark
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| | Posted 6/18/2009 12:38 PM - 2 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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